


Untranslatable

by Chocolate_Cigars_and_root_beer



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, No Sex, No Smut, One Shot, Period-Typical Homophobia, Prompt Fic, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-08-21 01:14:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolate_Cigars_and_root_beer/pseuds/Chocolate_Cigars_and_root_beer
Summary: Short fics based on untranslatable words from other languages.Updates whenever and wherever.





	1. Mutterseelenallein (German)

**Author's Note:**

> Mutterseelenallein (German)
> 
> Mutterseelenallein, derived from the French idiom – ‘moi tout seul’ which translates to ‘me all alone.’ When you are mutterseelenallein, you are completely and utterly alone.

 

“I'm sorry.” Trina grasped for Marvin’s hands, tears already flooding her eyes, an undesirable thing at this moment.

Her father simply looked down shaking his head almost in disbelief “You were always the careful one Trin!”

She was unsure if this was a joke or simply an exclamation spoken in a moment of anger “I know.”

“Well there's only one thing to do.” her father set his hands on the table “You’ll marry him.”

“I suppose there isn't another option?” Marvin's voice rushed through the words almost too eager to find a response.

“Not if she wants to stay a Hilinski.” the words were harsh to Trina's ears, if she had a child out of wedlock would her father really go to that length?

“Do you think he meant it? The marriage thing.”

“My father wouldn't joke about that.” Trina kept her eyes on the window watching the houses welcome her eyes to look at them and within the same second wish her a farewell.

“Seems a bit drastic.”

More homes passed “I think it's reasonable.” street lights joined the ever-changing cast as the sun also bid farewell “We have a standard to uphold.”

“And if we didn't?”

“But we do.” her eyes broke contact with the homes “It doesn't matter what we would do in a different world because we're in this one.” she wanted this marriage to be her choice she wished she was in that other world; where Marvin proposed to her on his terms or at all.

“I'm just curious.” he tapped his fingers to the top of the steering wheel “Would you be marrying me if it wasn't for,” he deliberately didn't finish his sentence.

“If you wanted to then yes.” the answer wasn't definite in her mind sure she liked Marvin but marriage was a bit brash.

“Well can you promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“That we'll never move to the suburbs.” to this she laughed.

* * *

 One’s wedding day is supposed to be one of great joy but Trina couldn't get herself to smile, this wasn't supposed to be her wedding. She was going to be happy and light, at best she felt melancholy at worst she considered just leaving maybe being a Hilinski wasn't worth it.

Fifteen minutes felt like an eternity, she had never envisioned these moments to be so silent. Perhaps she had simply fooled herself into believing that a wedding was something more than this. It was feasible that her notion of another half was ludicrous. 

* * *

 Had it really been five months? Five months since her wedding and now in her arms she held a kid, her kid. He cried loudly but she couldn’t help but smile, his little pink face all scrunched up looked back at hers “He already looks like you.”

Marvin chuckled “Let’s hope he gets your nose.”

“We can only wish.” 

She didn’t go back to work after that. She wished she could but Marvin wasn’t going to stay home with Jason, no he had a brighter career than her after all. The apartment still felt empty without him, occasionally it felt barren even with him there. But life was a lonely thing wasn’t it? Everyone sat on their own island and no bridges would ever be built in a world where one only has connections they will never be enough. Afterall truly knowing someone doesn’t help when you can never reach their island. She had just convinced herself from an early age that life was a beautifully woven thing who’s threads often crossed each other creating a beautiful image together. Realizing that it wasn’t was part of growing up surely. 

* * *

 Jason turned three, then four, and when he finally reached five it hit Trina all too fast. Marvin was slipping away from her. He loved her surely how couldn’t he? Sure she was plain and rather boring but five years meant something, a kid together meant something. He would’ve left if he was unhappy. Right?

With Jason at school life became more unstructured, seven hours of nothing but free time surrounded five days of her week. Seven hours to mill over a single question “What made everything seem amiss?” the answer was obvious. Marvin had lost any interest in her. It was conceivable that the most obvious answer wasn’t the right one, a voice in the back of her head screamed that she was wrong. She chose to ignore it. Marvin still loved her.

“Are we okay?” the use of ‘we’ seemed fitting, this relationship was staked on no one but the two of them.

“Don’t be ridiculous Trin.”

“Can I get an answer?”

“Why do you do this every time Jason isn’t here?”

“Because I don’t want this around him.” she scrunched her eyebrows “Why do you never answer me?”

“Jesus Christ Trina, can’t you just accept that we’re fine?”

“Can’t you just fucking answer me?”

“Just stop asking ridiculous questions!”

* * *

 Marvin was a liar, he admitted it jokingly on their third date but now it wasn’t about the little things. He was clearly cheating the signs lined up all too well, he was distant even to Jason, gone most nights, gone a lot at that. He came home smelling like her a lot, she smelled like flowers. Maybe she made him happy, happier than Trina could even imagine, she was funny and innovative. Perhaps she was dull, less than attractive, but all the same, he had chosen her over Trina. Marvin had found the other half Trina never would, she was alone on her island and for the first time, she simply wanted to be next to her husband. He could so easily leave her, the true problem is that he refused to. She wasn’t exactly sure what her plan was if he were to exit her life but she could certainly cope. 

* * *

 “Is Marvin coming home tonight?” this wasn’t the goodnight wishes Trina had ever thought would be whispered to her.

She paused not sure if to answer or not “I told you to not call him that.”

“Why?”

“It’s not appropriate.”

“Neither is he.” Jason either needed to learn how to deliver a joke or he meant what he said.

“Very funny.” she opted to believe the former “Goodnight angel.”

She planted a kiss on his forehead “Goodnight Mom.” 

* * *

The humility of having one’s husband leave them is crushing in so many ways, Trina could care less about Marvin leaving for good he had left long ago. But the reality of no longer having a husband was one that came in slow, it was the phone calls from many family friends and then finally her mother that poked away at her mind. Marvin had left, not for the night but forever, he had left for that Whizzer Brown schmuck. She was never enough for him, never enough to fill that other half of his soul. But no one would ever be enough for Marvin, that was a fact she knew as well as her own name. No Marvin was never a happy person and some other man wouldn’t make him suddenly happy. The same was true for herself her foundation was one built on the absence of glee, maybe together they could’ve been fundamentally broken.


	2. Forelsket (Norwegian)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forelsket – Norwegian  
> That overwhelming euphoric feeling you experience when you’re falling in love with someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who wrote!

Forelsket – Norwegian  
That overwhelming euphoric feeling you experience when you’re falling in love with someone.

"What the fuck?" Washing the coffee stain was clearly not helping.

"I'm so sorry!" The woman who had spilt said coffee had offered to help, she didn't do much of it though.

"No, no I'll just get Whizzer to get the stain out." The blonde woman sighed as she gave up on her attempt to save the grey t-shirt.

"Whizzer? That's odd..." Whizzer indeed was a weird name, Cordelia had become almost desensitized to it.

The woman shrugged "I know but he's my only friend in the city."

"It's better than nothing."

"If you ever meet him you'll disagree.” she offered her hand "Cordelia."

The shorter woman shook her hand "Charlotte. Wanna get coffee or something?"

“Hey two C's and yes long as you don't spill it on me." The woman giggled at her own joke. 

* * *

 There was something so beautifully otherworldly about Charlotte. Cordelia almost couldn't believe she was sitting across from her. Her eyes were that of the earth with a brilliant golden paint blended into the iris, she had always believed that brown eyes were beautiful but Charlotte’s were dazzling. 

* * *

 "So you're the famous Whizzer!” Charlotte went in to shake the man's hand, Whizzer instead went in for a hug.

“So she talks about me!”

“You come up sometimes.” Cordelia looked down twisting her boots inwards “You're hard not to mention.”

“I'm gonna take that as a compliment.” he turned on his heels “So Charlotte you're like a nurse or something?”

“Close I'm getting my MD right now!”

“That's like doctor shit right?”

“Yes.” Cordelia wrapped her arm around Whizzer's arm “You should know that.”

* * *

 

"How do you not like Janis Joplin?" Cordelia placed a box against the ground.

"You just like hippy chicks!" Whizzer protested as he flipped over a record cover "Hippy chicks with smoky voices."

"What can I say? I have a type!"

"I don't think Char has a smoky voice." This comment got a balled up scarf thrown at his head "You’re only proving my point!"

"Well if I had anything for Charlotte, hard if on that, she'd never go for me!"

"Self-confidence Delia!" He smiled.

"It's not a confidence thing it's a she's straight and also way too brilliant for me thing."

"You're ridiculous!" He pushed himself into the wall "Charlotte clearly isn't straight."

"You assume that about everyone."

"Fair." He raised his eyebrows "But I'm certain that Charlotte likes you." He used a tone akin to that of a schoolyard chant in the latter part of his sentence.

"Shut up!"

"You know I won't."

Whizzer wasn't correct surely. He was never right.  

* * *

 Charlotte's laugh was so hospitable and tender, much like Whizzer, she laughed with the majority of her face. There was something so familiar and yet still unique about it much like a print of a Renaissance painting that had always hung on one's wall. It was infectious too no matter what it was about Cordelia couldn't help but join her in laughter. 

* * *

 “Whizzer and I are going to Tennessee for Christmas.” she placed one brown boot in front of the other her hands placed firmly to her side.

“You’re from Tennessee?” Charlotte seemed too shocked by such a simple fact.

“Yeah! Just outside of Memphis actually.” she pulled her fingers inwards “Why?”

“I have like three thousand cousins there!”

“It’s a small small world isn’t it?” she crushed some snow beneath her heel “But what are you doing for Christmas?”

“Nothing.” Charlotte placed her hands in her pockets.

“Oh right Chanukah! What are you doing for Chanukah?”

“Still nothing.”

“Really?” not celebrating a holiday seemed so alien to Cordelia “Don't you have family in town?”

“Yeah but it's just Chanukah. Plus I'd have to host and I honestly do not want that many people in my apartment.”

“Maybe Whizz and I can come over!” she clasped her hands just beside her face “It'll be fun!”

“Well I don't see why not.” the women exchanged a smile. 

* * *

 Their floor had become home to many offbeat conversations, the cool of the hardwood against her legs was something that Cordelia would always associate with an odd question or the proclamation of an alien idea. But for once Whizzer had seemed to bring up a relevant question “Do you actually like her?” the question of who he was referring to didn’t even flash in Cordelia’s mind.

“Does it matter?” the woman shook of his question.

Whizzer picked up a pair of jeans and folded them “Well there’s nothing wrong with admitting it!”

There was something very misplaced about any affection for Charlotte that the blonde could have harboured "I’ve told you this before if I did it wouldn’t matter.”

“But would it?”

“No.” she folded a shirt “Either way I shouldn’t like her as more than what she already is,”

“You sure about that?” the brunette squinted.

“Yup.” Cordelia popped the last letter keeping her eyes low.

“Someday Cooper I'm gonna get you too admit it.” he placed his hands on her shoulders “And when I do it will snow in hell.”

“I don't think that's the saying.” he removed his hands and squinted “If I confirmed it you'd be too amused.”

“That was all I needed Delia!” he slapped his hands together.

She rolled her eyes “I didn't give you anything.”

“You're acting like this is your first crush!” he cocked his head when she didn't argue with this point “You've got to be kidding me!”

“In my defence, this is my first conscious one.”

“You're so cute! It's like baby's first crush!”

“This is why I didn't tell you.” she shoved a folded button up to his chest “Because I knew you would blow it up way too much.”

“Am I though?” he smirked.

“Yes absolutely.” she shook her head “This will pass but you will never let go of it.”

“Words hurt.” he gave an exaggerated frown. 

* * *

 Asking for money from a friend felt dirty against Cordelia's skin but she had no choice “Whizzer got arrested I need seventy-five dollars to post bail,” she mumbles a few words “I can pay you back at the end of the month I just don't have the money right now.” she placed a hand to pull her temple back.

“I probably have that in my cash stash.” Charlotte yawned “Meet halfway?”

“I can walk to your place you're saving our asses.”

“No I'll walk down to the station with you maybe I'll know one of the cops or something.” it was a hopeful thought she pitched but one Cordelia sold herself on.

“I am beyond grateful.”

Keys pressed in between her fingers Cordelia skipped down the sidewalk Charlotte in tow “So why did he get arrested in the first place?”

The taller woman hadn't explained on the phone an oversight on her sight “Oh, a nightclub got raided and he just had to be there.”

“Didn't that stop after that riot?”

“That's what I thought.” she shook her head “We're that unlucky I guess.”

“So is Whizzer gay?”

Cordelia snickered before realizing Charlotte meant her question “Of course! Is that even a question?”

“Aren't you guys dating?” the med student squinted.

This caused Cordelia to laugh again “Sweetie no!” this just confused Charlotte to a different level “It's a ruse! For my folks mostly and kinda because I like stealing his jackets.”

“Wouldn't it be for his family then?”

“God, you really are tired aren't you?” Cordelia pointed at her chest and whispered “Dyke.” the street was near deserted the hushed tone was more for herself than out of fear for anyone else hearing.

Charlotte gave a thumbs up and kept walking.

“I thought you stopped going to The Snake Pit.” she tossed a leather jacket to her friend.

He started placing his arms through the stiff sleeves “I did but ya know, sometimes I get bored.” he shrugged “Thanks for busting me out.”

“Thank Charlotte she paid your bail.”

“Oh shit,” he opened the door for the two women “Thank you, ma'am.”

“It wasn't that much really.” she nodded “I'd be lying if I said I'm not going to use this against you though.”

The cool spring air brushed against Cordelia's face “Do you want us to walk you to your apartment?”

Charlotte gazed at her watch then to the midnight that spread itself upon the sky “Can I just crash at your place I have Mondays off either way?”

“Sure but I will warn you we only have a recliner.” Whizzer pushed his fringe up.

The group returned to the apartment before Whizzer turned on his heel claiming that he was going to “Hang out with some people.” leaving Cordelia and Charlotte to sit on the hardwood floor as the blonde tried to recall where she put the spare blanket.

“Ya know I'm not even tired anymore.”

“I'm not really either.” she rocked her body back and forth to the tempo of a metronome “I'd say that I could cook but I'm pretty sure the fridge is empty.”

The room went silent “So, about earlier?”

“Just forget it that was nothing.”

“No, it's just,” Cordelia didn't want to hear another spiel on some miracle worker psychologist she didn't care for nor have the money for “I've never met another lesbian.”

“Oh!” it was closer to a yelp than an actually fully formed word, “I think I have.” she squinted, this had to be a joke right? Was Whizzer actually correct?

“Do you need glasses? It's not like,” Charlotte stumbled through her words “You just squint a lot.”

“No, I just think with my whole face.”

“That's cute.” this was a compliment Cordelia could hold onto.

“Fuck I think I have planning tomorrow.” she scoffed “Fucking kids are gonna murder me.”

“You could call out.”

She shook her head “I'm saving my sick days for when it becomes awful enough for me to just walk into the woods and scream for a while.”

“Why don't you just quit you're young enough to beat a new path.”

“That sounds nice.” she smiled “But I'm convinced that if I hang onto teaching I’ll learn to love it.”

It was the med student's turn to squint “Let's make a deal.”

“Okay.” the blonde's voice stretched for farther than it should have.

“When we're thirty if you haven't learned to love teaching you'll do something you actually like.”

“Well I don't plan on making it to thirty so you have a deal!” Cordelia stuck out her hand and Charlotte shook it. 

* * *

 “So you found out she was gay and did nothing?” Cordelia stared at herself in the mirror “That's fine she wouldn't really even go for you.”

“What are you doing?”

The teacher's aid screamed, “You can't just sneak up on me!”

“Nice pep talk.” he took a bite from the green apple he had in his hand “So I was right?”

“No you can't just sneak up on me this is a weird thing.”

“You're just trying to distract me!”

“Maybe but you also need to learn this lesson.”

“You should like kiss her.”

She scrunched her eyebrows “That's not an option. Do you just kiss random guys?”

“You know the answer.” he giggled “Plus Charlotte isn't a random chick, she's Charlotte.”

“That doesn’t mean the moment she comes out I’m just gonna lean in for a kiss.”

“Maybe you should act on something for once!” he leaned into the doorway “Like a crush.”

“You’re just putting words on a feeling!”

“That’s,” he laughed “That’s just what an emotion is.”

“Whizzer thinks just because we’re both gay we should date.” Cordelia smiled into her tea.

“He’s peculiar.” Charlotte at least laughed. 

* * *

 Her birthday rolled around a bit too fast, Whizzer had somehow recruited Charlotte into a small celebration that overtook her small bedroom within the early hours of the morning. Two small gift bags were set at the foot of her bed and Charlotte sat parallel to them.

“Oh, it’s just a sweater and lipstick.” Whizzer passed her the bags.

“A red lipstick I thought you would like it and it would look good on you.”

“Plus the green sweater.”

  
Cordelia squinted “You can’t just steal my clothes then gift them, that’s not how this works.”

“That’s my cue to leave.”

“No! You ca-” the door slammed behind the photographer “He’s unbelievable.”

“At least you know you’ll like the sweater.” to this she laughed “This is a weird shift but Whizzer said you liked me?” the sentence was a brush of nostalgia from middle school.

“That fucker.” so that was the reason to his early exit.

“Is he actually right?”

Her breath stopped “Perhaps.” a cop-out answer felt right as if it would push Charlotte closer to the truth.

“Oh thank god,” so she didn’t share anything with Cordelia, “I thought he was just fucking with me.”

“Really?” this was a moment she never saw coming “I don’t know how to react.”

“We should pretend to be oblivious for another five years!”

“I can’t wait that long.”

“Neither can I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My birthday is tomorrow! 14 years on this earth and I am still fairly awful


	3. Ikigai (Japanese)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikigai – A reason to get up in the morning, a reason to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trina deserves happiness and this might be short but I will give it to her.

Ikigai – A reason to get up in the morning, a reason to live.

Trina hadn't woken up to the sight of someone else's face in the better part of three years. Which is why seeing Mendel's face illuminated only in the golden light of the sunlight was somewhat surprising. She had forgotten he had slept there last night, they had both agreed that it would be best since it had gotten fairly late and also since Jason wasn't home it seemed like a nice opportunity. He was still asleep his face pressed into her pillow. Choosing not the getup and risk waking him Trina turned onto her back. She hadn't done that in so long, usually, the only person she risked waking up was across the hall. Had anyone done this for her, just let her sleep and retain some peace? Maybe Mendel would, he was kind enough to give her that courtesy surely. She could live the blissful life she was never given couldn't she? Maybe with Mendel, he was sweet and loved her perhaps after ten years she had finally found her person. In this life she could get remarried, plenty of women got married at thirty after all, and Mendel had stated that his lack of a marriage wasn't because of reluctance rather he had just never found the right person. But she was getting ahead of herself, for now, she was letting him sleep.

It could've been minutes or hours before Mendel woke up it didn't really matter much to Trina, his sleep didn't weigh her down. “Good morning Trin.” he yawned.

“Morning Mendel!” she smiled.

“Have you been up long?”

“No I don't think so.” this was a place to put three simple words she had been meaning to say “I love you.”

Mendel brought his entire face up to that “I love you too.” he beamed.

Marvin wasn't the end of her, sure he had closed her book but that didn't mean she couldn't start a new one. One of a domestic life that was chosen and not forced, with a husband who returns home after work, who when he proclaims love it is never false, a kid who is a spaz but also intelligent, both of whom she cared for, and that caring would be returned. She didn't have to live an eternal entr'acte she could start a new act, she could do something more than simply live. She could live happily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You best believe I was picturing Nick Blaemire as Mendel while writing this.


End file.
